Friday, December 31, 2010

Things I will do in 2011

1. Donate 150.00 to the local homeless shelter so that one homeless man can finally get a decent pair of Nike Airs
2. Get over my fear of becoming a quadriplegic and learn to ride horse at full gallop (this one is true)
3. Take Arthur Fonzarellis advice and "sit on it"
4. Be some kids "Big Sister" and inspire them to get a head start in being the best cynical, sarcastic, a------ they could possibly be
5. Chemically engineer a substance that will kill all the roaches in the world who's names are NOT "Phil"
6. Find Carrot Top, roofie his drink, steal his kidney and leave him in a tub of burning hot coal
7. Ride Carrot Tops bloody kidney down a mountain of snow like a snow board
8. Find out where EXACTLY in the world this "Carmen Sandiego" person is
9. Surf a tsunami.......naked
and finally....
10. Learn to dance ballet, have a lesbian experience and end it all with a schizophrenic breakdown BEFORE the end of May (for those of you who dont know.....that is a Black Swan reference please go watch it, thaaaanks)

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